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Bilbo Baggins didn't expect to accompany 13 Dwarves as their official burglar on a perilous journey to reclaim a kingdom. He doubly didn't expect to be playing matchmaker among these Dwarves as well. Nor did he expect to find love of his own.
Thorin temporarily settles in the Shire to work as a blacksmith. There he meets Bilbo, a middle-aged bachelor who insists on over-paying (“tipping,” according to the insufferable halfling) for his work.
Being the only hobbit under the Lonely Mountain was fine until Bilbo realized it's been months since he felt grass under his feet. When he goes looking for sunshine, Thorin assumes the worst, and the Company is tired of putting up with their King and Burglar being oblivious idiots. Miscommunication and stargazing ensue!
“So that’s your gardener’s name? Bilbo?”
“Bilbo Baggins, and he’s our gardener. Don’t give me that look, Thorin Durin! He’s been recommended to me by Gandalf –”
“Now that changes everything …”
“… and not only has he made great progress in the short time he’s here, but he’s also a very nice man and considerate enough to put some flowers in your room at your return although I warned him how … stubborn you can be.”
Thorin noticed the little pause very well. “You called me an idiot, didn’t you?”
Bilbo isn't having a great deal of luck lately ... not in the dating department anyway. The only good things have been that new restaurant and the handsome waiter ... he's so nice! But Dwalin may have figured out exactly WHY Bilbo has been having such a bad time of it ...
Bilbo Baggins lives a boring life with the usual boring neighbours, your typical boring colleagues and a loud and annoying string of children he's supposed to teach. He’s quite fine with walking around in nothing but his pants most days, drinking milk out of the carton and living off of re-heated takeaway and occasionally letting his dog Azog run rampant on his annoying neighbour. That is, until, he starts receiving frightening letters and gifts in the mail from an ‘admirer’.
When Bilbo Baggins was born, people lined out the door of Bag End to catch a glimpse of him. His auburn curls nestle like a halo around his head and his eyes, a bright green-blue, shine brightly and charmingly. Only a few hours old, he was already winning hearts. Within the day’s end there had been numerous offers from families- offering their own children for marriage. When Thorin Oakenshield was born, they had a week-long feast to celebrate. Men and women toast to his health and happiness- they cheered to Mahal for allowing such a gift to be brought into the world. Marriages were talked about in a tactical way: long, arduous conversations about families and bloodlines following.
It's only the sixth and Bilbo officially already hates the Christmas season. There's only so many times he can listen to Fili and Kili sing Ding Dong Merrily On High out of tune before he brains himself on the coffee table.
Part 5 of Babysitter!AU
Belladonna, on her way to the Iron Hills, dies in childbirth after finding shelter in a destroyed and abandoned Erebor. Her newborn son, Bilbo, is left in the Mountain, raised by Smaug. When Thorin and his Company come to reclaim their home, they’re surprised to find a Hobbit within its walls.
“It seems that your bravery has done the impossible and sparked a truce between us and the Elves, fragile as it may be.” At this, the Dwarf king smiled wryly. Who would have thought that a soft Hobbit would have so much sway over the two most powerful figures in this region? Bilbo Baggins did not respond. He had remained deeply unconscious for the past seven days. Thorin Oakenshield tried not to let his heart break. An AU retelling of the events before, during, and after the Battle, but not necessarily in that order.