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Bilbo didn’t mean to do this. Well, of course he didn’t. This isn’t his fault. One moment he was sitting in front of the fire where they were camped in the forest at the edge of The Lonely Mountain, clicking his tongue at Fili and Kili chucking bits of bread at Balin, the next they were under attack. It all happened so fast, Azog and his Orcs embarking on a brutal slaughter before they had the chance to raise a sword in defence, and Bilbo somehow managed to claw his way through the forest and to the foot of the Lonely Mountain where he comes face-to-face with… Thorin… who Bilbo was certain just had his head chopped off a moment ago. To make matters worse, he doesn’t seem to recognise him. And Erebor is… well, not a charred and blackened empty tomb inhabited by a dragon. And yeah, Bilbo’s fairly certain this isn’t going to end well.
Bilbo Baggins has been plagued with dreams for some months, always filled with the same stranger: big hands, strong arms, dark hair. It seems a mystery until he figures that it is a Dwarf, though this only narrows down his search to every Dwarf in Erebor. When he overhears mention of a special party in the Mountain, he wishes briefly that he can attend. But that's ridiculous. He's a Hobbit, not a Dwarf. Turns out that's not a problem when magic is involved.
Hobbits didn’t have such things as courting rituals – they were uncomplicated folk. They announced their affections with flowers or a cooked meal, a shared pipe or simply a kiss – and then there were meetings with both families and a date set for the wedding. Dwarves, as he kept discovering, were a completely different kettle of fish.
Plan B: an alternative strategy; a contingency plan, devised for an outcome other than the expected plan.
Or, sending an unqualified temp to act as Thorin Oakenshield's PA because no one qualified can put up with him.
(He'd say they can't meet his standards. Of course he would.)
Meet Bilbo Baggins. He just became Plan B.
'Alone this Yuletide? Irritated with prying and nosey family members? I am an out of work blacksmith currently trying to make my way by any means necessary that does not involve my resorting to thievery (prisons are most uncomfortable, I've unfortunate first hand experience). However, if you would like me to be your strictly platonic companion for any social function, but have me pretend that we are in a serious courtship, so as to torment your family and ward off unwanted suitors then I am more than obliging...' After becoming increasingly irritated by overtures of romance from various Shire residents following the death of his mother four years ago, Bilbo is more than ready to resort to desperate measures. That is, up to and including pretending to be in a serious relationship with a certain surly blacksmith currently inhabiting the Bindbale Woods. It's a good idea after all; all they have to do is pretend to be in love over the Yuletide period and Bilbo's family and suitors will surely leave him alone after that. It's perfect! And nothing can possibly go wrong, right? Certainly nothing as preposterous as falling for one another for real...
Bilbo Baggins is a humble grocer, living a simple, quiet life. He likes his solitude and his predictable routine. The police say the Sons of Durin are a crime family. The government has labelled them a group of environmental terrorists. Thorin Oakenshield will tell you that they are simply desperate for a home. But when Bilbo is dragged into the midst of the group as their unwilling burglar, his life will take a turn for the terrifying, and everything he has taken for granted will be torn asunder.
The problem, Bilbo would later tell Gandalf in aggrieved irritation, was not so much the unannounced visitors, oh no, but the fact that due to the lateness of the hour and sheer merciless fate, it came to be that at the respectable age of forty, Bilbo was being introduced to a real, live king while wearing striped pyjamas and fluffy slippers.
"Thank you for listening," Thorin said, getting to his feet. "I hope to be able to return the favour, one day." The man on the bed didn't respond, but since he'd been in a coma for longer than Thorin had known him, that wasn't entirely surprising.
After suffering the loss of his parents young Bilbo is quite unsure what will become of him. Thanks to a letter his mother wrote he comes to be in the care of Lord Fundin who is the Steward of the Blue Mountains. Lord Fundin's sons Balin and Dwalin welcome the lost hobbit as a brother. Through them Bilbo is brought up as a dwarf and learns all about their intricate culture. When a dragon attacks Erebor Bilbo fears for the fate of his brothers and hurries to the Lonely Mountain. He learns that they are well and that the young Prince Thorin managed to rally support and defeat the dragon. Unfortunately while he is there Bilbo catches the eyes of several notable dwarves (much to the worry of his brothers) and yet seems entirely unaware of it (cause for further concern). As events pass Bilbo starts to wonder just how much Took he has in his blood, certainly no proper Baggins would have these problems.
Shortly after Bilbo Baggins comes of age, he is swept up into a life he never expected. Upon the promise made between his grandfather and the dwarrow of Ered Luin, he sets off to marry the crown prince of Erebor, Thorin. Arranged marriages are not ideal, but he is a Baggins, and Bagginses keep promises, while his adventurous Took blood sends him running down the road to Erebor.