Works of author:9
Bilbo Baggins lives a boring life with the usual boring neighbours, your typical boring colleagues and a loud and annoying string of children he's supposed to teach. He’s quite fine with walking around in nothing but his pants most days, drinking milk out of the carton and living off of re-heated takeaway and occasionally letting his dog Azog run rampant on his annoying neighbour. That is, until, he starts receiving frightening letters and gifts in the mail from an ‘admirer’.
When Bilbo Baggins was born, people lined out the door of Bag End to catch a glimpse of him. His auburn curls nestle like a halo around his head and his eyes, a bright green-blue, shine brightly and charmingly. Only a few hours old, he was already winning hearts. Within the day’s end there had been numerous offers from families- offering their own children for marriage. When Thorin Oakenshield was born, they had a week-long feast to celebrate. Men and women toast to his health and happiness- they cheered to Mahal for allowing such a gift to be brought into the world. Marriages were talked about in a tactical way: long, arduous conversations about families and bloodlines following.
Bilbo, babysitter to the little monsters Fili and Kili, finds his quiet life in utter shambles when the madness of the Durin family begins to attract itself to him.
Part 1 of Babysitter!AU
It's only the sixth and Bilbo officially already hates the Christmas season. There's only so many times he can listen to Fili and Kili sing Ding Dong Merrily On High out of tune before he brains himself on the coffee table.
Part 5 of Babysitter!AU
“I’m not the stupid one- you know why? Because you were the one who came up with the idea of soaking Thrandy’s clothes in gasoline while they were drying on the line.” “I didn’t know they were going to have a barbeque in the backyard, did I? What am I, psychic?” “The whole washing line set on fire, Kili.” “Oh, shut up and help me up.” They both managed to scramble to their feet before slowly opening the door and peering out of the supply closet they’d been hiding in. A bright light shone over their faces, blinding them, and someone cleared their throat before speaking out. “Evening, gentlemen.” Fili looked up at the security guard. “Oh, shit.”
Part 6 of Babysitter!AU
Bilbo Baggins has lived a solitary life, and finds it helps him in surviving when the Outbreak happens. So when he's saved by a small fraction of the military that has managed to survive he's thrust back into humanity, fighting to make his way to Erebor, a safe haven for all survivors.
Belladonna, on her way to the Iron Hills, dies in childbirth after finding shelter in a destroyed and abandoned Erebor. Her newborn son, Bilbo, is left in the Mountain, raised by Smaug. When Thorin and his Company come to reclaim their home, they’re surprised to find a Hobbit within its walls.
Thorin was certain he had a problem. After all, the man looked like a bloody grocer- like some curly haired, bright eyed, bushy tailed cherub: totally vanilla and not sexy in any way at all. At least, that was what Thorin was trying to tell himself.
Bilbo didn’t mean to do this. Well, of course he didn’t. This isn’t his fault. One moment he was sitting in front of the fire where they were camped in the forest at the edge of The Lonely Mountain, clicking his tongue at Fili and Kili chucking bits of bread at Balin, the next they were under attack. It all happened so fast, Azog and his Orcs embarking on a brutal slaughter before they had the chance to raise a sword in defence, and Bilbo somehow managed to claw his way through the forest and to the foot of the Lonely Mountain where he comes face-to-face with… Thorin… who Bilbo was certain just had his head chopped off a moment ago. To make matters worse, he doesn’t seem to recognise him. And Erebor is… well, not a charred and blackened empty tomb inhabited by a dragon. And yeah, Bilbo’s fairly certain this isn’t going to end well.